Dawn Part 2

[immhotep]

Dawn part 2 see the conclusion of the evnets of the first part of this dawning of a new serires of Stargate: Genesis; the epsiode focus's around a mysterious and powerfull ship discovered in the orbit of Earth. This ship shall become the most powerfull ship ever under our control, will lead a new team through countless perils, memories and adventures through the depths of time, a ship that has its roots, its purpose and it creation in the deepest, darkest and most enigmateic period of the history in our galaxy, welcome to Stargate: Genesis and to the path that has only just taken it first steps.

Immhotep, Genesis exec producer.

[immhotep]

Dawn part 2 is now avalable for download.

[Wineblood]

How come there isn't a poll for part 2 ??

I haven't read it yet, but it's a d**n long script, hope the rest are of a more manageable length.

[thepope]

Nah its only cus its the pilot, well crossroads is a bit longer than average but its not huge! Hope you like it.

ThePope

[immhotep]

There was always that extra long feeling with dawn, i liked it, but i geuss it is a bit long, most of our scripts are around 60 pages, pat has one episode that quite short too.

[Geoff]

Hmmm, well, I got into it about 30 pages and I just couldn't keep going, it was all so... superfluous. I mean, during act one, it was just so much banter, that if I had just started reading there, I would've had no idea there was an Ori ship looming outside. And is this like asgard party night or something?

Sorry, I just dont... yeah.

[immhotep]

You should keep reading, the bits that are important dont come until fter we get on the ship, from then its more Genesis, the rest is SG1 merging to Genesis, if you dont like that part fine. 30 pages in, thats not even at the cool part, skip to page 50ish, when the enter the Ark and read from that point.

[immhotep]

page 58, act 5, if you dont like the asgard parts, that is when Genesis or the Genesis focus'd parts of the story begin.

[Valórin]

Please don't take this the wrong way, I could just post a simple "enjoyed it", but I'd rather give honest feedback to help you improve the series. Also, if everyone gives one or two word responses you really don't know what people actually think.

I am really struggling to finish this! I'm just at page 35 and its giving me bad memories of another VS I started reading, called Guardians Outlook.

I read Dawn pt1 and mostly enjoyed it. Sure, some of the dialogue was bugging me, but as it was Jack and Daniel I let it slide (mostly because I have a very solid mental image of them, and your mental image appears to be slightly different.. but thats to be expected). I did read it, and on the whole enjoyed it. It felt like the series was going somewhere and all it needed was time to find its feet (like most new series!), so I am more then happy to give Genesis time and patience.

However, as I said, I am struggling with Dawn pt2, and there are only two reasons: Lester and Elliot.
I started reading a VS called Guardians Outlook a few months ago, and its main character was a "I dont care about rules" joker, he was never ever serious, and yet he kept being put in charge. He was totally incompetient and I stopped reading because he pissed me off so much. It was worse then a parody, because it was really too stupid to be considered entertainment. (Some people love that kinda thing, but I do not)

Lester and Elliot are doing the same thing! Ok, I've only read 35 pages, but they both start off as confident yet incompetent idiots who were, for a reason unknown to me, thrown into command! Seriously, how did she EVER get to be Major with an attitude like that? Also, a diplomat with an ego problem... not a good combination!

That said, I am going to go back and continue reading, I may be totally wrong and they may be my favourite characters by the end, but at the moment its driving me insane.

I said I only have two problems with it, and thats true. Ignoring those two characters and I think you are off to a great start. So, I'll go back to reading Dawn pt2, and I'll let you know of the outcome in the morning.

[immhotep]

Its actually funny because even I had issues with Elliot and Lester, i thought there was a bit too much, and we had taken quite a few scenes out. But Elliot and lester kinda mold in to characters, and this initial stunt makes them kinda be at odds, not confrontational but in seperate groups in the Ark, Lester is friends with the scientists, lee and some of our secondary characters and Elliot is friends with Daniel and niobe, they are the Jack and Daniel of the old Days, but put in anothe enviroment, they are not supposed to be annoying in a bickering teenager type way but they are two poeple whos types are the same, jsut have different ways of dealing with people, both trying to do the same thing but in their own way, comprimise and understanding between them will fluctuate over the event of S1. They dont dislike each other but they are really close friends.

As i said, Lesters role and Elliots role get slightly reduces at about page 58 onwards, Its more Dnaiels and Lee and Carter from that point onwards with Ellio in support. Glad you are reading though.

[immhotep]

Ok i have now done major remodeling of the punctuation, grammer, spelling and '!'s on dawn part 2, the people who stopped reading due to those issue should take another look. btw page 58, is when the Genesis setting and show begins so if you want a short cut or reference page it head there.

[Wineblood]

What! Less exclamation marks! That's great!

[Valórin]

I got to the end ;D
The rest of the episode was a lot easier to read, mostly cos they took the back seat.

The rest of the episode was quite good, I loved the idea of taking the ZPM from the outpost, as it explains why there wasn't on there in the first place, and Furlings!!! The ship sounds amazing, but I think you need to be careful, you keep mentioning Ancient panels, Ancient this, Ancient that, its like the other races only had minor roles in its construction.

After struggling throguh those first 35 pages I liked the rest of it. So keep writing, and I'll keep reading

[immhotep]

Haha, yeah i always wanted to give a valid reason for their not being one on earth other than 'it ran out' so having it on the ark made sense to me.

There two bridges, one that furling, and thats the engine room one with the black hole device and the main one with the drone silo and chair which is ancient (full of ancients panels and the chiar, also the main bridge) nox and the other race in the allience have thier own bits which we will see over the course of S1, but because we have written it so that the furling and ancients are the two main guys in the allience with the nox being the diplomatic, calming force we say that it was appropriate to have the nox technology run through the others, via the hubs, which are basicly micro control rooms that have access to everything within an area, like there is a hanger hub, a uppler lever hub, the engine hub the medical hub. They are secondary but usefull because they dont require any specific knowledge other than knowledge of what and how you are trying to control, they dont need the gene or the furling key device.
So thanks you for the nice comments

[Wineblood]

It makes sense that most parts are ancient, they built the stargates. I pretty sure the cloak is nox though, sounds like their area of expertise.